Melaka

FIRST OFF! A Happy Chinese New Year to all.

Remember how Harry Potter got his early Hogwarts letters? All flood-flying into his house? I hope you get ang pows in a similar fashion. :P

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Anyway! Melaka trip!




Now, according to several sources, my previous trip to Melaka and Seremban with Dad was a bit of a failure as I didn't do a whole lot of so-called must-do activities. Attempting to "must-do" those activities, I went down to Melaka with ZY and YZ last week.


Trip got off to a horrendous start as traffic slowed down to snail-pace on the Seremban highway. Apparently, la, got some accident happen (cb inconsiderate bastards, of all the days to drive recklessly...)

Two ambulances slid by (like a boat slicing across still water, and us, the water, had to ripple aside to make way), sirens blaring like nobody's business.

It took us 20-30 minutes to move a distance of 500 metres. Fucking slow, man. We saw the Seremban exit signboard (1km).

After what seemed like god damned ages, we reached the Seremban 500m signboard. Wtfffffffff.

Annoying part was the bloody bus and lorries that blocked our view so we couldn't satisfy our busy-body curiosity.

Eventually the congestion was too unbearable so we decided to ditch the highway and to pop into Seremban for a little spin AND siew paos. And by "pop in", i meant crawling the remaining 500 metres to reach the Seremban exit.

Seremban Siew Pow!! So this is the supposedly authentic Seremban Siew Pow with tantalizingly thin and crispy skin. Oohlala. U see, got Malaysian Book of Records somemore.

吃就吃正牌芙蓉烧包 Wanna eat, must eat authentic Seremban Siew Pow.

The thing is... How does one judge authenticity? And does being "authentic" necessarily imply superiority over other imitations? We're authentic and therefore the best and the rest of you cheap imitations are sucky.

Geez, their 烧包 also write wrong! It's 烧包 not 烧饱. 烧饱 means burn until you are full, and i guess i wouldn't want to be burnt sampai kenyang.

Crispy crispy pastry, crumbling to reveal piping hot center. Can you not say awesome?

Seremban Siew Pow's meat filling isn't as tasty as Asia Siew Pow, but their pastry is much thinner. You win some you lose some, i guess. Can't have it all.

Oh, and we went in search of this what-you-call-em curry-chicken-in-a-bun thingy but they had already sold out.

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Traffic was just as hellish back on the highway. At least, for some distance, after which cars began moving at normal speed again for no apparent reason. Wtf! No car wreckage blocking half of the road. No blood spattered all over the road. No aftermath. No nothing. -_-"!! It's like the traffic jam magically occurred for no reason. No closure. Hmph.

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Reached YZ's grandparents place to deploy stuff, huge place, like 3 and a half storeys high with freaking loads of rooms. And off we went to Jonker's street, which is pretty much an overpriced pasar malam, jazzed-up to trap tourists.

Was nearly CNY then, and the street was all swathed in red lanterns and lights. I call this the angler fish strategy

(y'know the grotesque anglerfish with the little shiny filament thingy in front of their heads. Used to lure unsuspecting prey to the light and bam! They're eaten)

Street is all shiny to lure tourists and once they enter they're sliced and diced!

But of course, i'm a crazy cynic so ignore me if you want. :D

I think it would have been a better experience if it hadn't rained. The moment we reached, it started drizzling. Tiny little drizzles. While we ducked from umbrella to umbrella, we saw this! Waffledog. Corndog's cousin?

Waffledog maker. :P

Mm mm! Looks tasty doesn't it?

But the novelty quickly wore off. I guess coz it didn't taste as good as i was expecting. The sausage was delicious but the waffle batter had this peculiar soy-ish aroma that wasn't too palatable.

Thank goodness it was raining, though, as there was little foot-traffic. Apparently on normal weekends, the queue is disastrous, ppl lining up like siao to try the waffledog and the waffledog-maker can only churn out 8 in 1 go... Not v. efficient.

Picked up some bubble milk tea afterwards. Never try chocolate banana. ZY ordered it and it was disgusting. Neither chocolate nor banana, it was stuck in between in an artificial-flavoured identity crisis...

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Divine barbequed chicken wings somewhere near YZ's grandparents'.

Sigh. Delightful chicken wings. With crisp skin and succulent meat. I'm always sorely tempted to eat BBQ chicken wings in KL but they're often not v. tasty as they barbeque it once beforehand, and re-BBQ to heat it up = sucky. Hmm but i read that there's a famous stall in Jalan Alor. must go scout some day.

I regret not spamming these wings.

Mediocre oh jien, with handful of coriander (generous, but unappreciated. grotesque things). 1 word: sucky. Scrambled egg flecked with pieces and pieces of individual translucent starch. I think the feller didn't quite possess the skill to make a decent oh jien.

Next stop, satay celup.

I've heard some pretty impassioned speeches about this, that it's so divine, and it's so BOMB... That people can suck down 20-30 sticks of satay celup. And i was intrigued.

I thought it was something like lok lok with different types of sauces.

But to my surprise (and annoyance), it was just 1 giant bubbling pot of satay sauce.

Bubble bubble, boil and there's trouble? And i know what the trouble is...

Everything tastes the same! -_-"

So fine. I dunk a stick of fu zhuk in. Bam! Tastes like satay sauce.

Chuck in some fishball / vegeball / wan tan. Bam! Tastes like satay sauce.

The chikuwa thingies work best, i would say, because the satay sauce will flow inside the tube and come gushing out when you bite it.

In any case. You taste satay sauce. Gets boring mighty quickly. So... I stopped at 11.

But i witnessed the specimens who could devour stick upon stick of satay celup though, who were seated next to us. Huge table, loads of satay sticks lying on the table, and lots of empty green tea cans (they were surreptitiously pouring whiskey, but why though, cannot drink at satay celup places?).

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Next morning YZ brought me to this kindly old uncle who was selling some sort of Chinese rojak(assorted fish cakes fish balls and fish cakes + loads of crunchy heart-killing fritters drizzled in a tangy sauce) near the junction outside his gramp's house.

He asked whether i had studied in China before because i could speak such accurate and perfectly accented Mandarin (nya-haha!). @_@ One does not need to study in China to be able to speak Mandarin properly, lor. One requires only the media. :P Applies only to those who have basics in Mandarin, of course.

Taiwanese beef noodles. Again. With a piece of fried pork ribs in the background. Fantastic!

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After i managed to kick ZY up (no easy feat i tell you. that bastard. had to sprinkle water and slap him twice in the face before he agreed to wake up) we headed over to this satay place that sells pork satay. :D

:D

Fwalala! Pork satay! Tiny little skewers, but wonderfully crispy. Completely satisfying.

I had 15 of these babies. Which is crap for my standards.

The thing i regret is going on an eating trip to Melaka during one of my diets. It's not that i felt guilty about binge eating. It's just that my stomach has shrunk considerably and i got full quickly so i couldn't binge. Ha! On one hand it's good news too. ;)

Next door to the satay place was this quaint little cafe-bakery where they sell "thousand-layer" cakes.

I first heard of it from YZ's engineering gang. "Fuiyo we went to eat this thousand-layer cake." And the impression i had was... Kuih lapis. Those pink and white ones. And i thought, all the way to Melaka? Gula melaka kuih lapis, maybe?

But when i reached the bakery i started to have sneaky suspicion that it was

Mille crepe. -_-"! Though i would say it was a decent description. I mean they do seem to have lots of layers of crepe.

Tiramisu (virgin one). Looks awesome, doesn't it, with all the coffee-dusted peaks and valleys. :D

Taste-wise... It was like a huge mouthful of cream and mascarpone with a teeniest hint of coffee.

ZY's choco-banana. Tastes.... like a huge mouthful of cream and mascarpone. LoL! Couldn't taste any banana as there wasn't really enough space for large enough chunks of bananas to squeeze in and give flavour anyway.

ZY's double choco-banana disaster. Ha!! But! This was delicious nonetheless, much better than the bubble milk tea.

Oh, and this is ZY. He broke YZ's grandparents' sofa. LOL!! Pathetic attempt at screwing it back using a metal ruler. Lorenzo somemore wtf.

Last stop was this cendol place. Apparently THE dessert to order is the gula melaka cendol. Their gula melaka is extremely thick, with a burnt sort of caramel taste to it.

Ooohlala. Look at the pot of gula melaka. And the 4 bowls of cendol. Divine right?

But stupid me. I was tempted by the dumb ass mango ice kacang and it was a major fiasco.

a) mango sucked. it was all dry and soaked in this soury artificial mango syrup.
b) ingredients sucked. corn was grotesque. disgusting large kidney beans.
c) combo sucked. they poured gula melaka on my ice kacang!

Think. Sour and sweet from the mango, bittersweet from the gula melaka, culminating in a bowl of ice kacang that tasted like vomit. Pah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apart from horrendous ice kacang and early traffic jam, i think the Melaka trip was fantastic. :)

AND i can conclude that it's best to go on trips with friends than family. Ha!